Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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