I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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