Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
