checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
