my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
