Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
