Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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