I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
