I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize