4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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