I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
