11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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