I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
