I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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