i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
