somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
