does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize