You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
