Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
