I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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