All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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