He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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