I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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