I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
