If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
