Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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