i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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