i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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