She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
