I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she told me i tasted like america
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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