Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
