i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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