youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
