His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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