Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
