My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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