I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
