Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
