I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
