why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
