when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
