my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
