stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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