Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so explain again why im purple
no
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
