Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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