Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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