you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
