We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
