That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
