we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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