I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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