I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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