There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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