my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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