You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
