Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
