Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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