the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
