she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
